You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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