she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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