i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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