I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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