im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
the raccoons are back...
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