He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
