I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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