i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
cat food counts as protein by the way
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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