when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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