I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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