Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
