It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
