i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
