i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
