It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
