please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
