someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
