there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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