Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
