some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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