I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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