i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
