I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
