well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
