the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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