with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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