Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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