please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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