We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
