remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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