I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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