you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
