just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
