she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
