so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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