I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
