I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
