Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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