Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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