Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
