Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
