I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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