i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
