are you so shy because you have an std?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
