Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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