Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
