There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
