It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
