i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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