dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
