Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
