I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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