is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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