I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
