Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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