I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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