I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
