I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
