ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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