what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
