Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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