I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
