If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
