Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize