I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
