She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
