Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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